Walk a Mile by Chris Young

Author:Chris Young
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: eBook ISBN: 9781911246541
Publisher: Trigger Press
Published: 2017-01-30T05:00:00+00:00

Even with all this going on in my mind, I was determined to go and see Louise to have it out with her. She was pretty pissed off that I was bringing the subject up again. This was the third time: once when it happened, once in 1993 when I was bonkers and now, here I was having another shot at it.

She saw us as two consenting people who had been going through a turbulent time in their lives seeking comfort from each other. Over the years I’d come to see it as something altogether different. I was 15 years old! This was abuse in the eyes of the law – so, in my opinion, it was abuse. I was vulnerable, emotionally immature, and I’d gone to her for help … and she’d fucked me.

The thing is, I still really struggle with the rights and wrongs of it all. It’s so easy to rationalise that, because I was 15, it was abuse. But that’s where I get stuck. I participated in this terrible act – this awful thing. I felt – at times feel – as culpable as her.

It was all so confusing. While I was at her house we listened to all the sixties music that we’d listened to prior to the fuck up. I bathed in my memories of her bohemian lifestyle and …

Well, and nothing. I couldn’t feel anger, never mind express it. Once again, I’m left in a strange world of frustration where I can’t show my feelings to her, to me, to anyone.

I came back home feeling frustrated and pathetic. We’d sort of agreed that if I still wanted a relationship with her then it was in my hands. I guess she was demanding some kind of closure on it all – she couldn’t be doing with a relationship where every so often I’d explode and throw all kinds of accusations at her. I kind of went along with that.

Shortly after I got back I received another email from Mike. Jackie, a woman who I’d been the practice teacher for in her final year at university, was dying of cancer. Again, I was swamped with all the thoughts and feelings attached to my time with her. This young woman had hopes and dreams and now …

By the time she died a short time later, I was incapable of feeling.

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